Cates Adoption Speak

Will this Roller Coaster Ever Stop?

2010-06-30T14:05:00.003-05:00

So the past 2 months (and really the past couple of years) have really been a roller coaster of emotions and events. Some of you know all the details, some of you know a few of the details, and some of you know barely anything at all. How much you know is not that important, it is just important to us that you keep us and our family in your prayers. I just wanted to share a song that has become important to me and that I have been singing over and over the past several weeks. Its by Mikeschair called "Let the waters rise". I hope it will bless you too!

Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And i try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

Sometimes its so hard to pray
When you feel so far away
but I'm willing to go where You want me to
God I trust You

There's a raging sea right in front of me
Wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise if You want them to
I will follow You, I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'cause You'll be next to me
Your in the eye of the storm
and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You've been faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea right in front of me
Wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise if You want them to
I will follow You, I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto you
God Your love is enough
I will follow You, I will follow you!!!

Regardless of how Bobby and I have felt and will feel, we know that Our God is Mighty to Save and He never changes. Our purpose here is to live to glorify Him and we are living examples of striving to do this even though we daily fail.

If we happen to come to your mind, we only ask that you lift us up to the Father. This journey that we are on has turned out to look different than we ever expected, but God is still God, He is still on His throne, and He is ALWAYS in control!

~Julie

Two Months Later And....

2009-04-13T20:25:00.003-05:00

...We still aren't licensed...

After the events of the previous post, the staff at our agency decided it would be beneficial for us to take some proactive steps to make the placement process easier in the future. Given my personal and family background, the staff recommended that we talk with a counselor.

Some of you might remember the events that marked the ending of our brief journey with Buckner. They also recommended counseling, but never gave us a chance to actually go through it while being a part of their program. Covenant Kids asked us to take this step in order to answer CPS inevitable concerns. Rather than deal with the speculation at each placement opportunity, Covenant Kids can now show CPS that we have sought professional insight into our backgrounds and family.

We started seeing a counselor in late February. After completing four sessions, it was confirmed that God is a mighty God who can take the disaster that was my life and turn it into something marvelously blessed. After completing the sessions we were excited to finally get licensed, thinking that the recommendation from the counselor was all we lacked.

That assumption was incorrect.

It turns out we lacked four fairly simple pieces of information. Three of those items we were able to fax in almost immediately. The one final piece of the puzzle that still eludes us is the blasted fire inspection. At least half a dozen requests have been made to the county over the last 5 months, but no one has ever made it to our home. Last Thursday, we actually had an inspection scheduled, but then the three surrounding counties went up in flames so the Fire Marshall was busy with more weighty matters than whether or not we have outlet covers.

The earliest we can be licensed is Monday, April 20 because the family services coordinator is out of the office until then. We are praying that we can get an inspection done this week and that there aren't any more lingering paperwork issues.

I won't lie. I have battled some bouts of frustration with the developments of the last week or so. My excitement about getting started taking care of kids who desperately need a home were temporarily doused by paperwork delays that probably should have been caught back in February. Julie keeps telling me not to get so worked up about it. She makes it sound so easy.

Nevertheless, we press on. Please pray for us. We (meaning mostly me) need patience, wisdom, and humility. We'll see what Monday holds.

Prayer Request -- Possible Placement

2009-02-03T11:36:00.004-06:00

I talked with our agency this morning regarding a few final questions before our homestudy is finalized. At the end of the conversation he let me know about a possible situation that he thought we would be perfect for. I can't give you too many details, but here are the basics.

There's a 3 year old in foster care who has a sibling due any day now. CPS is looking to place them both in an adoption motivated home.

There are absolutely not guarantees. All we are asking is that you pray -- a lot! We want God's will to be known and done. So, here are some specific things to pray for.

-- The soon-to-be-born baby make it into this world safely.
-- A home is found for these two children (even if it's not our home).
-- Julie and I correctly discern what role, if any, we are to play these two little lives.

Thanks. We love you guys. We will keep you updated.

Bobby

We are getting closer...

2009-01-29T11:20:00.003-06:00

Ok, I know, its been like a month since we updated this thing, but we really had nothing to update. We really are getting very close to being licensed. Our homestudy is complete and has been submitted for final review. I am anticipating this will be in the next week or so. After we are licensed, it will just be a matter of waiting for a child to be placed with us. It could be the day after we are licensed, or it could be 3 months from now, we just have to leave that up to God and His perfect timing.

Our Sunday School class has started studying James. We are just going through it chapter by chapter. Let me just say, the first chapter always kicks me in the rear. (Especially the first 3-4 verses.) I always try and be aware that my hard times can and will be used for Gods glory, but most of the time I choose not to be joyful at the time. Why is that so hard? I tend to find myself mad at God and then frustrated with myself for being mad at God. Eventually I get around to understanding that God is strengthening my faith and growing my endurance, but why does it take so long for me to get there?

God,
Help me to trust you fully. Thank you for the trials that You bring forth in my life. I know and trust that You are using them for Your glory. Be with the child/children that You are going to bring into our lives. Help them to be safe and to know that they are loved by You and by us.
Julie

Update

2008-12-10T10:59:00.004-06:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that CK is coming to do our homestudy on Monday. YEA!!! Hopefully we will be licensed in January and then the waiting begins...

This has been kind of a crazy couple of weeks. This week there are going to be two huge funerals at our church plus a night of visitation. On Saturday we have a church work day to clean/organize some things that have been neglected. Sunday is always busy, but this one is particularly so, we have our children's Christmas play that morning, our church wide Christmas lunch that afternoon, followed by the community wide lighting of the park. And then Monday is our home study. (Am I crazy?)

I still have a few things to take care of around the house to be ready for our homestudy, but I don't think a lot. Bobby put in the tot locks already this week. I just have to go through the fridge, pantry, and medicine cabinet and make sure nothing is expired, etc. Bobby also has to go through the garage and move some stuff to the shed so it can be locked up. So I should probably get started on some of that and not be sitting here blogging. :)

Lord,
I'm choosing to give you my heart and my emotions today, please help me remember to do so tomorrow and every day that comes my way. Be with our child who is out there somewhere. Protect them let them know that they are loved even though we are not there to show them yet. Bless their family and lead them into a relationship with you. Help me to trust you more and even when I feel like You don't know what You are doing, give me faith.
Julie

Organization!!!

2008-10-22T09:43:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to brag on myself a little... I finally got our paperwork organized. I think that is the number one reason that I was stressed out. I sat down for a couple of hours yesterday afternoon and took all of the forms, etc, out of the giant folder that they are in and went to sorting and organizing in a way that makes sense to me. It took about 15 paperclips, and lots of sticky notes, but its not as overwhelming now. Bobby will probably laugh at me, but for me it was a great day. I love it when things are organized!!! (He just can't touch it now, unless he figures out my system first! :))

Week One Down

2008-10-18T22:24:00.002-05:00

Well, the first week of two crazy weeks of training is over. It was a long week, but I think we came away with lots of really good information. Some of it was repetitive, but I think we can all learn from things even things we have been taught or knew before.

I feel like I am drowning in paperwork again. I know it is just part of the process, but it makes me really stressed. I had finally felt a little destressed after getting all of our Buckner paperwork done, and now I am back at square one. Little by little, I know it will all get finished and I will feel good when it is, but for now its just overwhelming again.

Keep praying for us. We are still trying to discern where God wants us to go, do, and be.

Julie

Charting A New Course

2008-10-06T08:25:00.005-05:00

This past weekend, we went to an Foster Care/Adoption expo put together by Child Protective Services to check out their process. In short, it went really well.

I was a little nervous about going through CPS because of our experience in Oklahoma's DHS (their CPS counterpart). I was also reluctant about getting involved with a state agency that has radically different values than us. God alleviated all of those concerns.

It turns out that there are several agencies that have access to children in CPS custody. CPS kind of outsources some of the work load of foster and adoption placements. We found an agency called Covenant Kids that we really like. They are a Christian agency whose statement of faith is solid, whose training is biblically based, and whose attitude toward foster care and adoption is much bigger than just getting kids out of a shelter.

Julie already knew some of that information, but I didn't. I am really excited about this new direction that it appears God is taking us. Please be praying for us. We definitely do not want to go down a road that isn't meant for us. We will be going to their training sessions to get a better grasp on who they are. We'll let you know how it goes.

The Diagnosis According to Buckner

2008-09-11T09:35:00.005-05:00

After the unfortunate events of Black Monday, the week was getting a little better until I spoke with the Buckner's director. I was actually pretty surprised that she called me back given their self-imposed restrictions regarding discussing the details of a couple's rejection.

She called me yesterday afternoon and offered some insight, however vague it may have been, into the process that led to our ousting. She expressed her sympathy and expressed the difficulty of the decision for them. She explained that it was group decision that was made in various stages. Then she offered two of the most maddening statements I've ever heard.

Maddening statement #1 - "You might want to seek some counseling."

Yes, you read that correctly. She told me that I should seriously considering getting professional counseling. Her reason for saying such a suggestion was the information that I provided regarding my family history. I didn't grow up in the best home. Violence. Abuse. Spiritual hopelessness. The list could go on. I was up front and honest about my family. Her diagnosis for me was that I needed counseling to overcome and deal with all that happened.

One of the ladies at our church made a great point when we told her about this. "Tell them he already has a Counselor." She's right. The last time I checked the greatest Counselor imaginable died for my sins on a cross. The most influential, capable Comforter regenerated my heart and dwells in me daily. I wasn't aware that it was absolutely necessary for me to go to a professional, human counselor in order to overcome life's challenges. I certainly didn't anticipate a Christian adoption agency would take this kind of stance.

Maddening Statement #2 - "Some families just shouldn't adopt"

That may be true, but I didn't realize that Buckner was the authority on determining that. She did not say, "We aren't the right agency for you," or "We weren't comfortable with working with you." She actually said that we shouldn't adopt. She was able to make that decision without ever talking to use personally about their concerns. All they had to go on was our application -- words on a page.

At no point did she or anyone else at Buckner try to get to know us or how God was helped me to overcome the difficult things in my life. Have rough things happened in my life? Yes. Have those things impacted my life? Yes. Are all of those issues resolved in my family? No, because my family members have their own free will to choose the direction of their life.

It's a shame that we have been written off as an unworthy and broken family by a Christian adoption agency that seems to have assumed the worst of our situation and did nothing to verify their concerns. Nevertheless, God is still in control, and, for whatever reason, this is part of our journey toward being parents and growing in our relationship with each other and God.

--Bobby

Welcome to Square One

2008-09-08T13:22:00.004-05:00

Just a few days ago, Julie told all of you about how excited we were to be attending our adoption seminar later on this month and to have a caseworker assigned to us. My my, how things change in such a short time.

I went to post office this morning, like I always do, to find a letter from Buckner. Normally, I would let Julie open it and take care of whatever it was that needed to be taken care of, but I didn't want to wait to see what the letter was about. I opened it and found out that all of the preparation, paperwork, and postage over the last 7 months was down the drain.

That's right, we have been rejected by Buckner. They turned us down...

Just typing those words hurts beyond imagination. This is one of the largest Christian adoption agencies in the world, and somehow a pastor and his wife are shot down. I don't get it. I don't know if I want to get it. All I know is that this hurts...a lot. More than I ever really thought it would or could. Of course, I never imagined that we would get rejected. Out of all the testimonies we've read about Buckner, I don't know if I've ever read about someone getting rejected. I guess it's not something people like to talk about. Wonder why?

What makes the situation more frustrating is that every single bit of contact we've had with the people at Buckner has been nothing but positive about our application. When the seminar in July conflicted with youth camp, they said "that's too bad, we really wanted you at this one" (not an exact quote but that's the spirit of what they said). After we returned the missing parts of our application, they promptly sent us an invitation to the September seminar and assigned us a caseworker. Then comes what I will probably hereafter call "Black Monday" and we get a cold, impersonal letter that essentially says, "Sorry, but we aren't willing to help you find a child after all, and we probably won't give you a reason why because we have a piece of paper you signed to hide behind."

We have some ideas as to why we were rejected, but they all revolve around the mistakes of some of my family. There is nothing about Julie and I that should have prevented us from using Buckner. Especially since nothing kept us from being foster parents in Oklahoma.

So now we have to figure out what to do next. We are still trying to decide how God wants to build our family. Biological. Adoption. Foster-adopt. Growing them in the back yard like the bad guys in Lord of the Rings. Pretending our dogs are our kids. E-bay. We don't know, but we do serve a God who does. That's about the only thing getting us through Black Monday.

Thanks for your prayers. They mean a lot right now.

Bobby

Seminar

2008-09-05T16:21:00.002-05:00

Just thought I'd update you on the latest goings on. Its been kind of slow because we have been busy and not able to get things done on our side very quickly. Nevertheless, we are slowly but surley moving forward in the process.

Bobby and I will attend the Buckner adoption seminar on September 18-19. We are very excited about it. This is one of the major steps toward being put in the book. ( being put in the book is the final step before we can be chosen by a birthmom) I'll explain more about that later if you don't know what I'm talking about. For now, just know that it is a major step forward. :) The seminar is basically a big long training/orientation. We get our state required training done and get lots more info from Buckner about things specific to their agency.

Since we have lived out of the state of Texas in the past 5 years, we have to get another set of FBI fingerprints done (we have already done this once in OK to be foster parents). Sometimes its complicated and other times it goes smoothly. Please pray that it will go quickly and without complications.

We now have a case worker assigned to us, so our homestudy process should begin soon. Yea!!!

I think that is all for now. Pray for peace and patience on our part. We are ready to be parents NOW, but we also know that His timing is perfect and so here we are waiting.

--Julie

Missed It By That Much

2008-07-14T16:44:00.002-05:00

A little over a week ago we received an e-mail from Buckner telling us that our application had been received and that everything looked good, except for the fact that our application was missing all of the even numbered pages. That was no big deal since it was their fault, not ours.

In the same e-mail we were invited to the seminar that is a major step in the process of being approved and put "in the book" (aka - being able to be chosen by a birth mother). We were pretty excited at the invite since attending a seminar so early in the process would allow us to be chosen much sooner. However, that excitement soon disappeared when we realized that the seminar was July 10-11. That just happened to be the same week we were at youth camp. Julie and I had to go because of Brady's departure, and there was no way to get out of camp.

So, instead of getting a major part of the process behind us, we now have to wait until September for the next seminar. Hopefully, our home study will be done by then, and the seminar will be the last thing.

In all, two months isn't that long of a wait, but it was a little frustrating to come so close only to have it not work out.

"God help me to be patient -- with myself, the agency, the process, and ultimately, You. Thank you for orchestrating things to where we had to go to youth camp. The relationships we built with the students were worth missing the seminar. Thank you for being in control. Please keep reminding me of your greatness and grace."

-- Bobby

4 Days

2008-07-01T14:25:00.004-05:00

Well, its been 4 days. Four days ago, we sent in our crazy long and time consuming, official application to Buckner. Once we had everything completed, I put off sending it in for about a week or so. It was a weird feeling. I know that God is in control, and He always has been, but when I had all those papers to fill out, doctor's appointments to fulfill, and information to gather, I felt like I was somehow in control. Now that control is gone. It's kind of scary and freeing all at the same time. I know we still have a little ways to go before the real waiting begins, but spiritually and emotionally, I feel like this step was a big one for me.

I didn't think it would take us this long to fill out an application. On April 11, we went to out first meeting with Buckner. It was incredible for me. I did not feel at peace at all until this meeting. We had been looking at several different agencies, and none of them felt right. I had several other pelimenary applications filled out and ready to send off, but I never felt like it was right to send them. Then we went to Buckner, and the Lord made it apparent that this was where we were supposed to be. It was exciting, and yet calming. I'm pretty sure I cried through part of the meeting. I was so happy that this was right, that I could not contain my emotion.

Now here we are, 2 months later with our official application done. It feels good. It is amazing to think that somewhere out there our baby may already be growing inside of their birthmom. Maybe not yet, but maybe so.

Julie

Father God,

Be with our baby. Watch over him and keep him. Work in a mighty way in the birthparents. Please place people in their paths that will lead them to You. Give them comfort and peace as they make the hardest decision that anyone could make. Most importantly, let Your glory be made known in our lives and in thiers. Amen