The Diagnosis According to Buckner

After the unfortunate events of Black Monday, the week was getting a little better until I spoke with the Buckner's director. I was actually pretty surprised that she called me back given their self-imposed restrictions regarding discussing the details of a couple's rejection.

She called me yesterday afternoon and offered some insight, however vague it may have been, into the process that led to our ousting. She expressed her sympathy and expressed the difficulty of the decision for them. She explained that it was group decision that was made in various stages. Then she offered two of the most maddening statements I've ever heard.

Maddening statement #1 - "You might want to seek some counseling."

Yes, you read that correctly. She told me that I should seriously considering getting professional counseling. Her reason for saying such a suggestion was the information that I provided regarding my family history. I didn't grow up in the best home. Violence. Abuse. Spiritual hopelessness. The list could go on. I was up front and honest about my family. Her diagnosis for me was that I needed counseling to overcome and deal with all that happened.

One of the ladies at our church made a great point when we told her about this. "Tell them he already has a Counselor." She's right. The last time I checked the greatest Counselor imaginable died for my sins on a cross. The most influential, capable Comforter regenerated my heart and dwells in me daily. I wasn't aware that it was absolutely necessary for me to go to a professional, human counselor in order to overcome life's challenges. I certainly didn't anticipate a Christian adoption agency would take this kind of stance.

Maddening Statement #2 - "Some families just shouldn't adopt"

That may be true, but I didn't realize that Buckner was the authority on determining that. She did not say, "We aren't the right agency for you," or "We weren't comfortable with working with you." She actually said that we shouldn't adopt. She was able to make that decision without ever talking to use personally about their concerns. All they had to go on was our application -- words on a page.

At no point did she or anyone else at Buckner try to get to know us or how God was helped me to overcome the difficult things in my life. Have rough things happened in my life? Yes. Have those things impacted my life? Yes. Are all of those issues resolved in my family? No, because my family members have their own free will to choose the direction of their life.

It's a shame that we have been written off as an unworthy and broken family by a Christian adoption agency that seems to have assumed the worst of our situation and did nothing to verify their concerns. Nevertheless, God is still in control, and, for whatever reason, this is part of our journey toward being parents and growing in our relationship with each other and God.

--Bobby

Welcome to Square One

Just a few days ago, Julie told all of you about how excited we were to be attending our adoption seminar later on this month and to have a caseworker assigned to us. My my, how things change in such a short time.

I went to post office this morning, like I always do, to find a letter from Buckner. Normally, I would let Julie open it and take care of whatever it was that needed to be taken care of, but I didn't want to wait to see what the letter was about. I opened it and found out that all of the preparation, paperwork, and postage over the last 7 months was down the drain.

That's right, we have been rejected by Buckner. They turned us down...

Just typing those words hurts beyond imagination. This is one of the largest Christian adoption agencies in the world, and somehow a pastor and his wife are shot down. I don't get it. I don't know if I want to get it. All I know is that this hurts...a lot. More than I ever really thought it would or could. Of course, I never imagined that we would get rejected. Out of all the testimonies we've read about Buckner, I don't know if I've ever read about someone getting rejected. I guess it's not something people like to talk about. Wonder why?

What makes the situation more frustrating is that every single bit of contact we've had with the people at Buckner has been nothing but positive about our application. When the seminar in July conflicted with youth camp, they said "that's too bad, we really wanted you at this one" (not an exact quote but that's the spirit of what they said). After we returned the missing parts of our application, they promptly sent us an invitation to the September seminar and assigned us a caseworker. Then comes what I will probably hereafter call "Black Monday" and we get a cold, impersonal letter that essentially says, "Sorry, but we aren't willing to help you find a child after all, and we probably won't give you a reason why because we have a piece of paper you signed to hide behind."

We have some ideas as to why we were rejected, but they all revolve around the mistakes of some of my family. There is nothing about Julie and I that should have prevented us from using Buckner. Especially since nothing kept us from being foster parents in Oklahoma.

So now we have to figure out what to do next. We are still trying to decide how God wants to build our family. Biological. Adoption. Foster-adopt. Growing them in the back yard like the bad guys in Lord of the Rings. Pretending our dogs are our kids. E-bay. We don't know, but we do serve a God who does. That's about the only thing getting us through Black Monday.

Thanks for your prayers. They mean a lot right now.

Bobby

Seminar

Just thought I'd update you on the latest goings on. Its been kind of slow because we have been busy and not able to get things done on our side very quickly. Nevertheless, we are slowly but surley moving forward in the process.

Bobby and I will attend the Buckner adoption seminar on September 18-19. We are very excited about it. This is one of the major steps toward being put in the book. ( being put in the book is the final step before we can be chosen by a birthmom) I'll explain more about that later if you don't know what I'm talking about. For now, just know that it is a major step forward. :) The seminar is basically a big long training/orientation. We get our state required training done and get lots more info from Buckner about things specific to their agency.

Since we have lived out of the state of Texas in the past 5 years, we have to get another set of FBI fingerprints done (we have already done this once in OK to be foster parents). Sometimes its complicated and other times it goes smoothly. Please pray that it will go quickly and without complications.

We now have a case worker assigned to us, so our homestudy process should begin soon. Yea!!!

I think that is all for now. Pray for peace and patience on our part. We are ready to be parents NOW, but we also know that His timing is perfect and so here we are waiting.

--Julie