After the unfortunate events of Black Monday, the week was getting a little better until I spoke with the Buckner's director. I was actually pretty surprised that she called me back given their self-imposed restrictions regarding discussing the details of a couple's rejection.
She called me yesterday afternoon and offered some insight, however vague it may have been, into the process that led to our ousting. She expressed her sympathy and expressed the difficulty of the decision for them. She explained that it was group decision that was made in various stages. Then she offered two of the most maddening statements I've ever heard.
Maddening statement #1 - "You might want to seek some counseling."
Yes, you read that correctly. She told me that I should seriously considering getting professional counseling. Her reason for saying such a suggestion was the information that I provided regarding my family history. I didn't grow up in the best home. Violence. Abuse. Spiritual hopelessness. The list could go on. I was up front and honest about my family. Her diagnosis for me was that I needed counseling to overcome and deal with all that happened.
One of the ladies at our church made a great point when we told her about this. "Tell them he already has a Counselor." She's right. The last time I checked the greatest Counselor imaginable died for my sins on a cross. The most influential, capable Comforter regenerated my heart and dwells in me daily. I wasn't aware that it was absolutely necessary for me to go to a professional, human counselor in order to overcome life's challenges. I certainly didn't anticipate a Christian adoption agency would take this kind of stance.
Maddening Statement #2 - "Some families just shouldn't adopt"
That may be true, but I didn't realize that Buckner was the authority on determining that. She did not say, "We aren't the right agency for you," or "We weren't comfortable with working with you." She actually said that we shouldn't adopt. She was able to make that decision without ever talking to use personally about their concerns. All they had to go on was our application -- words on a page.
At no point did she or anyone else at Buckner try to get to know us or how God was helped me to overcome the difficult things in my life. Have rough things happened in my life? Yes. Have those things impacted my life? Yes. Are all of those issues resolved in my family? No, because my family members have their own free will to choose the direction of their life.
It's a shame that we have been written off as an unworthy and broken family by a Christian adoption agency that seems to have assumed the worst of our situation and did nothing to verify their concerns. Nevertheless, God is still in control, and, for whatever reason, this is part of our journey toward being parents and growing in our relationship with each other and God.
--Bobby
Bücher Herunterladen
4 years ago
3 comments:
I think you ought to listen to them. Adoption is not about finding children for couples, but couples for children.
I was adopted by a mother like yourself. The abusive childhoods have a way of resurfacing once you start parenting.
Get some counseling. God helps those that help themselves, right?
This is your red flag. Your apparent unwillingness to listen to it is even more worrisome.
I am very sorry that your adoptive mother was abusive. It's tragic and never should have happened.
With that said, you know absolutely nothing about how my childhood has affected me. I was not physically abused by my parents. The abuse was between the two of them. I did some pretty terrible things as a child, but I have dealt with those issues, or, to put it more accurately, God has helped me deal with those issues. I am not opposed to professional counseling, but the problem is that it would be a waste of time and energy because it's all been taken care of.
I find the superimposing of your past on me and other adoptive parents to be even more worrisome than your perception of my situation. You are making the same impersonal, presumptive judgment that Buckner made about me. The reality is that I've found counsel in pastors, friends, and ultimately my God, and you've got no clue who I am or what will "resurface" in my life. You're making a judgment about me based upon your experiences rather than mine.
Regarding your idea of God's helping those who help themselves...all I can say is that God helps those who realize they can't help themselves. I am a sinful man who, left to myself and my own devices, is incapable of doing anything good or pleasing to God. It is only by God's grace, Christ's death, and the Holy Spirit's empowering that I am able to produce anything worthy in my life. God has taken me from a broken, pitiful, sexually immoral, theiving, lying, godless, self-sufficient fool and turned me into a man who is despareately aware of my need for a Savior and one of His adoptive children.
Despite my vehement disagreement with you, I thank you for sharing your story, in part, with us. Again, I am sorry that you went through what you did. May God heal your mind, body, and soul as He has mine.
Bobby and Julie, I am so sorry you guys are having such a struggle with Buckner--I am definitely praying for you. I would have been just as upset as you and I would vouch for you guys as parents any day!!! As for the first comment above, I don't believe "God helps those who helps themselves" is ANYWHERE in the Bible, or God's Word. Unfortunately, that is a statement some Christians have come up with themselves and is not how God works (as I know you know). You guys hang in there. God is bigger than all of this :-)
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